Hey – this is Distinctive. We’re about to kick off Season One, but it’s been awhile since Season Zero ended, and I wanted to make a recap to bring you up to speed.
Way back in the first recording, I’m sitting in the office cafeteria at work
And, I hear a Voice
He says I’ve been hacked
He says he’s going to blackmail me
Help him, or he doxes me
He knows my online identity, Distinctive, and my IRL identity as Sean Harley, too
My friends don’t know real world identity
Even my mom doesn’t know who I am online
If I get doxed, my hacker friends will disown me for who I really am
If I get doxed, I’ll lose my job. I might go to jail.
You see, I’ve got a security clearance
I work for a defense contractor by day
I gotta fight this.
But, I can’t fight this.
Next thing I know, I’m flying to Dallas, then back to DC, I’m in Longbeach California
My mom’s used to talking to me every Saturday
And we didn’t speak for weeks
Then my friends do learn about my job
They hate it, but they love me and don’t disown me
Along the way this FBI Wannabee Sam Fishburne is a jerk in nine ways
My boss Geraldine was getting horny
And one of my direct reports, Avanta, kisses me and it was awesome
From the beginning this Voice was telling me I need to help
But he didn’t say what he wanted help with
It was like a game
I had to just figure it out, with help from my friends Stoney, Lita, Q, Johnny Free and Bitslapt
Soon, the trail became clear: The Voice wants Exclusivor’s head on a platter
Exclusivor, who’s that?
She’s a demon hacker, notoriously bitter in a feud, ruthless and rich
Also a sweet-heart you would proudly introduce to your parents
Why is Exclusivor in the cross-hairs of the Voice
It could be that the FBI thinks Exclusivor might have killed her brother
Or that she may have broken into an NSA office
The NSA, are you crazy?!?
She might have BASE jumped from a skyscraper to get away
And maybe, she might have hurt herself
This goes that way
And that went this way
And eventually I end up with Exclusivor in my bed
It’s not like that, though
She is hurt, and she tells her whole story
She really needs my help
She didn’t know where to turn
She needs me and my friends
She stays the weekend, I sleep on the couch
Monday at work, it’s chaos
At the end of the day, I end up in the back of a cab with Sam Fishburne
He’s holding a gun on me
Sam says, he and I need to talk
We need to go talk to the FBI
Is this another trick by Exclusivor?
Or am I in even more trouble now?